How Inclusive Is Your Love Life?

Don’t buy into the inclusion movement? Take a good hard look at your own relationship for some home truths.

I have been an ambassador for inclusive workplaces for over 5 years but only recently had the epiphany of relating the principles to my own relationship history. It’s no secret that I am on my second marriage, but before I bring you on my journey of reflection, let’s set the scene on what inclusion means. According to the Diversity Council Australia – there are four elements of inclusion; feeling respected, connected, and that you are contributing and progressing. Are alarm bells already ringing?

I got married in 2011, I was twenty-four years old and just about to move from my homeland of Northern Ireland to the sandier pastures of Western Australia. In the beginning, we were young, carefree, and had the world at our feet so life and the relationship felt pretty good. People tend to be on their best behaviour in the early days of a relationship, so I was feeling respected, connected and that I was contributing and progressing. Shortly after the move to Australia, things started to go downhill. In this new land of opportunity, I started to thrive while my ex-husband and our marriage started to struggle. The connection was the first aspect to drop, shortly followed by respect. The more time went on, the more my efforts to contribute to and progress the marriage seemed futile and even backfired. In short, it wasn’t a good time in my life and even the eternal optimist in me had to accept that the marriage was over.

During this trying period, it’s fair to say I was not the best version of myself for my children, my friends or my employer so add a compounding guilt into the equation. It took a toll on my usually bubbly personality and a good friend took me to the side to gently advise I had ‘lost my sparkle’.

So, let me ask you: how inclusive is your relationship? How connected and respected do you feel and how much are you showing? Are both parties contributing and do you feel like the relationship is progressing?

When you are in an inclusive relationship, how good does it feel? You have a spring in your step, and you carry that energy into your friendships and workplace. When your relationship is not inclusive, how awful does it feel? You are frustrated, unfulfilled, resentful, and it can seep into your attitude and effort at work.

Following a lot of reflection, regrouping and rediscovering who I am and what I want to achieve in this world, I met my second husband Troy. My lived experience in this marriage is the polar opposite to my first. I feel deeply connected, unwaveringly respected, that we are both contributing greatly to the relationship and that it is going places. I am the happiest and most fulfilled I have ever been and it’s no coincidence that my career has skyrocketed since I met Troy and my kids are thriving. I have seen the light of inclusive relationships and that sparkle I lost is now an ever-growing ray of sunshine.

Now take everything I’ve just said and apply it to your workplace. To what extent do you feel truly included in your organisation? Can you honestly say that your employees are feeling respected, connected, and that they are contributing and progressing? If you have asked them and the answer is yes, awesome! No doubt your organisation and your people are thriving. If you or your employees are not feeling the inclusive love, everyone is significantly missing out.

I believe that if people knew what inclusion truly is, everyone would want to make their relationships, friendships and workplaces more inclusive. I hope that by sharing two very different inclusion experiences in my marriages that readers reflect on their own feeling of inclusion at home and at work and do their bit to make the world a little bit more inclusive every day.

Dr A x